I love barbeque!

One the best things about summer must be the barbeques. It just makes any type of food taste delicous, the possibilities are endless. Tonight we had spicy chicken wings with blue cheese dip and grilled potatoes. Enjoyed in the garden with a cold beer, it's been a lovely summers evening. It amazes me how most people prefer the more expensive chicken breasts, when in fact the legs and wings are much tastier and a real bargain. They are also much easier to cook since they don't dry out as easily.
Now we are watching the Olympic Games, I am struggling to find it interesting, being a hater of all sports, but I am trying my best to look like I care.

Quinoa Quiche

This weekend I tried something new, quiche made with Quinoa instead of pastry! I was looking for recipes with Quinoa and came across this amazing egg bake. Quinoa is a super healthy, grain like seed originating is south America. It's high in protein (18%) and also contains magnesium, iron and calcium and is a good source of dietary fibre. I have only used it as I would cous cous or bulgur but wanted to try something different. I found this recipe, which I made a few small changes to. It's so easy to make, much simpler than making pastry, chilling it, rolling out etc. With the added health benefits it's a great alternative to regular quiche. The quinoa doesn't require any pre-cooking, it simply falls to the bottom of the dish and forms a crust.

I made my quiche according to the recipe, but used whatever I had at home which led to the following changes:
I didn't use spinach, instead I added chopped bacon which I fried until crispy. I added chopped spring onions, skipped the garlic and thyme and threw grated cheddar in at the start. I also used half the amounts as I had a smaller dish. The possibilities are endless, you could use pretty much anything you like. I'll definitely be making this again when I am too lazy to make pastry!

Sleepless nights and power walks

Una woke up at 5.30 this and just would not go back to sleep no matter what I tried. She finally fell asleep in my arms at 6.30 but woke up again after less than an hour. I refuse to get up earlier than 8 because I just think it's inhumane so we stayed in bed until then. All in all I think I got about 5 hours sleep....

Once up I put my gym clothes on and after breakfast we headed out for a walk. I power walked to Holland Park where I did 20 minutes of squats, push ups, dips, plank and lunges, before continuing my walk to Westfield. I wanted to get some tops for Una, she has grown out of so much stuff. I didn't find anything in the end, I hate how all the baby and kids clothes are so over the top, frilly and pink or with prints on them saying "I love my mummy" etc. Not my cup of tea. I picked up a couple of things I needed from Holland and Barrett and stopped for a coffee at the Marks and Spencers cafe before continuing my walk home. It had started raining by this stage but it was actually quite nice walking home in the cool rain. The rest of the day we have just spent chilling, I baked some healthy goodies and pottered around the house. The sky is looking blue once again so we might go for a stroll a bit later.

Hot and sweaty in the Westfield loos.

Chocolate and almond cookies

For ages now I have been meaning to share with you a recipe for some "healthy" cookies I made ages ago. I say "healthy" because everyone's opinion on what is actually healthy varies. Some eat low fat, some eat low carb etc. Some think it's healthier to use sweeteners instead of sugar. I personally don't consider artificial sweeteners healthy and think it is much better for you to have natural, unrefined sugars like honey or dried fruit. Some people think agave syrup is healthy because it doesn't affect your blood sugar, I think it is really unhealthy as it instead turns in to fat in your liver because it is so unnatural your body is unable to recognise that it is sugar.... Actually, don't even get me started on agave, I think it deserves a whole post of it's own!

Anyway, the cookies. The are fairly low in carbs as they are made with almond flour instead of wheat or oats. They are not entirely low carb as I use honey for sweetness (by all means, use stevia or something if you are so inclined) and a little bit of dark chocolate for flavour. I think this is neglible, I really enjoy something sweet with my afternoon coffee so surely these are better than cadbury chocolate fingers. Each to their own!

This is my adaptation of this recipe.

Chocolate and almond cookies

1 egg
25 grams or butter
100 grams ground almonds
a handfull of hazelnuts
2 tbs honey (or more or less depending on how sweet you want your cookies)
a couple of squares of dark chocolate

Lightly whisk the egg. Melt the butter. Roughly chop the hazelnuts and the dark chocolate. Mix everything together to form a sticky dough. Roll little balls and place them on a baking sheet lined with parchment paper, before squashing them down with your hand. Bake for 12-15 minutes at gas mark 4 (175 degrees celcius)

They won't be crispy like regular cookies, but they will chewy and yummy!

The last days of summer

James has gone away to Womad festival for the weekend, so it's just me an Una. He was busy getting everything sorted yesterday so I never got a chance to go to the gym, I ended up doing 20 minutes in the garden with dumbells. I had intended to do 45 minutes, but Una was really needing my attention by that stage. I need to get in to a good routine as I am not planning on continuing my gym membership for various reasons. I'll have to sit down and come up with a plan going forward,  I don't want to lose momentum.

Today is the last sunny day for a while, the weather forecast says we will have rain now for the next week or so. So I guess these last few days were summer then? Rubbish. Today we are heading out for a walk to Westfield, I need to get a few things for Una and try on some trainers for myself.
In the meantime I give you some photos from the garden.

Heatwave!

Yesterday morning we got up early to attend Una's first ever music class. It doens't seem to matter how early I get up, I am always running late! I ended up bring my breakfast with me to eat on the bus. Already at 8.30 it was unbelievably hot. We were going all the way over to Camden to try out "baby bureau", a baby music class at Imagination Station run by my friend Ema. Una absolutely loved it, in fact it deserves a whole post of its own! After the class we had a little picnic in Regents Park in the melting heat. On the way to the catch the bus back I popped in to H&M and got a couple of sun dresses in the sale, £5 each. What a bargain! I am still around 5 kilos heavier than I was before I got pregnant, and a whole lot wobblier, so a lot of my clothes don't fit me.
By the time we got home it was nearly 4 pm. Una went down for a nap and I had half a glass of rose topped up with lemonade. Sophisticated, right?

Today is another sveltering day, we are heading out this afternoon to meet friends for coffee, then will probably enjoy the late afternoon sun in the park or the garden.

A morning in the sun

This morning we were up early to make the most of the beautiful weather. We met up with Aga in Holland Park at 9.30 and spent the morning at the playground.

Aga looked so lovely and summery and Una looked rather chic in her jumpsuit and floppy sunhat, both from Baby Gap.
After an hour in the sandpit we strolled to the kyoto garden and looked at the fish.

Holland Park is such an amazing park, the perfect place to spend a morning with children. Between the waterfall, fish pond, peacocks and all the beautiful flowers, there are so many interesting things to look at, you never get bored and neither do the kids.

The return of summer

The last few days have been glorious. We've been lazying around in the garden most of the time. This afternoon we had a beautiful prawn and avocado salad, and for dessert pavlova and homemade elderflower fizz, delicious. The rest of the afternoon I will spend researching for a project I am planning. Very exciting stuff, I just hope I can pull it off.

These boots were made for walking

Finally the weather has turned and we have proper summer weather. Yesterday Una and I went for a walk to Portobello Road where we had coffee with Aga and her boyfriend Steve. I've been thinking of getting a pair of trainers as I (try to) do quite a bit of walking and my converse just aren't comfortable enough. Then I realised I actually had a brand spanking new pair of trainers lying around, James got them for me a couple of years ago to replace an identical pair I lost, and I never got round to wearing them. They are like bling for your feet.


Una fell asleep as soon as we left the house, she sleeps so well in the push chair.

Panorama, the truth about sports products.

I watched a really interesting documentary the other day about sports products marketed at improving performance. They look at protein powder, sports drinks and trainers. It's very interesting and dispels many myths.

Most interesting of all, they explain the risks of overhydration, i.e water intoxication, and how much more dangerous it is than dehydration. Apparently lots of people die from water intoxication every year because of all the scaremongering (sports companies wanting to sell their expensive isotonic drinks) telling us to drink before we are actually thirsty.


Watch it!

Bargain hunting

Not much has been going on with us. Just lots of cuddles with this little chick. I went to Westfield yesterday and got a few bargains in the sale. A gym top and trousers plus a water bottle and a 5 -pack of socks, all for £26. Now that's what I call value for money! I have been very restrictive with shopping recently, being on maternity leave means having to be frugal. But these were things I really needed, so when I saw that they were up to 70% off I decided to loosen the purse strings, just this once. I'm going to wear them tonight at my spinning class.

Beauty and the Bump

When I was pregnant I had all the best intentions to take regular photos of my growing bump like many mums do. Unfortunately consistency is not my strong point and I never seemed to get round to it. I did however take a number of rubbish, grainy mirror photos of my growing belly, in various states of dress/undress. Today I was in the mood for reminiscing, so I have put together the ones I could find.

It's funny to see these photos I remember thinking I looked soooo big in the first one, but when I look at it now I think my bump could easily be mistaken for a big lunch! I also remember feeling like a beached whale the third trimester. I was not one of those people who feel sexy and confident when pregnant, I mostly felt fat and unattractive. But looking back at these photos now I actually think I looked quite beautiful.

Why does it always rain on me?

This weather is driving me crazy. I feel no motivation to get up in the morning and go out and do something when the sky is grey and the rain will start to fall at any minute. Yesterday my only venture was the doctors and the gym where I did a body pump class. Unfortunately my gym buddy couldn't join me, which makes a a big difference. But I still enjoyed it and tried to push myself with heavier weights.

Lunch at The Ledbury

My celebrations continued on Saturday, my actual birthday, with lunch at the Ledbury. James was planning to surprise me but I had a pretty good idea where he would be taking me, we've been dying to try out the 2 micheline starred restaurant for a good while. We got off to a rocky start when our table was not ready at 2.30pm as per our booking, and the receptionist did not offer us a drink or a seat, instead instructed us to stand and wait in the small entrance where we just felt in the way when people came to get there coats and umbrellas to leave. Luckily this was the only negative thing I have to say about the whole experience. The food was amazing and well deserving of its two stars. The staff were  friendly and not the atmosphere was not one bit stuffy. We started off with a glass of champagne, with it we had our amuse bouche of foise gras mousse with white peach in a crisp pastry case. We gobbled these up so quickly I never managed to get a photo.

We had the starters and main courses off the set lunch menu, which is a reasonable £30 for two
courses or £35 for three. For starters we both chose the roasted quail with giroles, fresh almonds and apricots. The dish was garnished with dandelion, which means lions tooth in french.

For mains I had the slow cooked beef short ribs with spinach puree and potato galette. James had the pan fried brill with licorice root, fennel and cockles. Both were equally delicious.

After the mains they brought out the pre-dessert which was sea buckthrorne curd with lemon verbena meringue, mandarin granita and lemon leaf ice cream.

The desserts we chose off the A la carte menu, as the set menu desserts were not catching our eye. I ordered the mango mille fuille with kaffir lime ice cream and James the passion fruit souffle with sauternes ice cream. The chef also sent us a third dessert to try, a brown sugar tart with ginger ice cream and sour caramel sauce. We also tried a couple of dessert wines, very sweet but delicious. I thought I was going to explode at this stage, but rest assured we cleared the plates, it was too nice to let anything go to waste.

They offered us petite fours at the end of the meal, but we were just too full, so they kindly boxed them up for us to take with us. The meal as a whole was fantastic, I would highly recommend a visit. The set menu means you can have a reasonably priced meal in one of the best restaurants in London (officially 14th best restaurant in the world), the wine list is extensive and this is where it can get expensive if you chose to indulge. The experience is worth every penny for a special occasion.

Birthday bash!

Yesterday was my birthday and I made sure to celebrate as much as possible. In fact the celebrations aren't completely over, I've still not had a birthday cake so James is baking me one today.
I started my celebrations on Friday night, I met up with Ema and Anna in El Camions Soho branch. Yes, I LOVE mexican food! Unfortunately the food was not nearly as good as the Portobello Road branch, but it was still nice. We started off with some margaritas and daiquiris before digging in to tortilla chips with queso, salsa and guacamole. Then main courses, I had the picdillo beef burrito.

We then moved on to the Experimental Cocktail Club, a "speakeasy" bar in chinatown. I had read some terrible reviews online, apparently they turn lots of people away at the door, even when the bar is half empty, and the drinks are ludicriously expensive. Nevertheless we decided to try it out. Thankfully we were let straight in and even managed to get a couple of seats. We all opted for the same cocktail, a rum based number with ginger syrup, topped up with champagne. It was very nice, though not quite sure it was worth £13 (£11.50 for the cocktail, plus a 12.5% service charged, even though you order at the bar!).

When we had finished our drinks it was still early so we decided to go somewhere else to continue the night. After a good 20 minutes of traipsing around in the rain looking for anywhere decent to go we ended up in the O Bar. It was so busy on the ground floor that we headed straight down to the dance bar where it was still pretty quiet. The place was beyond cheesy, with quilted white leather sofas and mirror mosaic on the walls. The only way to describe the crowd is to say it suited the venue to a T. Thankfully all the cheese in the world is not enough to put us off, instead we decided to out-cheese the place with some wacky dancing. The dance floor soon filled up with youngsters, some of which I am sure where appalled at our ironic moves and looked at us as you might an embarrassing dad doing the macarena at a wedding. At one point there was a dance off between Ema and some random guy (which I may or may not have initiated). He had some surprisingly good moves, but Ema trumped them all when she did splits!

By 1 am my feet were killing me and we decided to call it a night. It was hellish trying to get a cab and on the way back I had to stop to get some formula for Una, as James had texted me saying we were nearly out (obviously I would not be breastfeeding as I had been drinking). It was quite funny jumping out of a cab in a pair of heels and dashing in to a late night off licence, like I had so many times before, but this time it was not to buy booze and fags like all the other drunkards, but instead to pick up some baby formula!

All in all it was a great night. Since I don't get out very often these days friends, drinks and dancing make me a very happy girl!

Ema enjoying a daquiri in El Camion

Silence

As you may have noticed I am suffering from a serious bout of lack of inspiration. In life as well as the blog. The last few days I've done an awful lot of nothing. I've not been feeling too great so I've stayed away from the gym and taken it easy. But tonight I am doing a body pump class, hopefully that will bring back some energy in to my life.

Should women be rewarded for having natural births?

I had a conversation with a trainee doula the other day who tried to convince me that everything that went wrong when Una was born was because of intervention and that natural births are always possible. This has got me thinking about natural births, pain relief and planned cesarean sections. Looking back at the options presented to women giving birth at St Mary's hospital in London, it is very clear what the underlying message is, natural is best. No wonder I, and many mothers with me, have feelings of failure after things turned out a different way.

In short, I had intended to have a natural birth in a birth centre. I was very afraid of tearing and had heard lots of horror stories about epidurals and general "interference" leading to assisted births, forceps, tearing and emergency cesareans. I started reading up on so called natural births and became more and more convinced that I absolutely did not want to have an epidural. I wanted to give birth in a pool without pain relief. In control, natural, you get the picture... I knew that water could help relieve the pain, as could the correct breathing. I knew that squatting was supposed to be more effective than lying on your back. In theory, I knew it all. 

Early on in my pregnancy I was presented with two options for my delivery, the labour ward or the birth centre. The labour ward is over crowded, dirty and understaffed. Staff are rushing up and down the corridors. There are barely any seats in the tiny waiting area, so partners have to stand to let all the pregnant women sit. The rooms are tiny, only just accommodating a bed and an armchair. In addition to this, after giving birth at the labour ward you are quickly transferred to the maternity ward where you stay with your baby in a room with around 5 other women until you are released. Visitors, including dads, are allowed for a few hours in the morning and a few hours in the evening. 

The birth centre is a whole different story. It's brand new and beautiful. There is a large reception area with sweet and helpful receptionists, comfortable seats and a jug of water on the table. It  has huge rooms comprising of a birthing pool, bean bags and couches, a kind of swing from the ceiling that you can lean on for support, dimmed lights, a big flat screen TV and speakers for music. You also have your own en suite bathroom. It's very much like a luxury, private birthing facility. You have your own midwife with you in the room through the whole process. When your baby is born, you get your own private en suite room with a double bed and a cot where you can stay with your partner and baby. Anyone who has a normal, straightforward pregnancy and goes in to labour on their own within 2 weeks of their due date can use the birth centre.  Now here's the clincher, in the birth centre you are not able to use any pain relief (apart from gas and air).

When I found out about the birth centre I was delighted. I wasn't planning on using any pain relief anyway so it seemed perfect for me. The facilities are aimed at getting you through the birth naturally, the music, the dimmed lights, the pool. It all made sense. It is staffed only with midwives, which is why they are not able to give you any drugs, if you need more intervention you get transferred upstairs to the labour ward. It all made sense to me then. But when I think about this now I feel outraged. The message they are sending is clear: if you are a good girl and do this "the right way" you get rewarded with all these benefits. If you can't cope and chose "the easy way out" you get sent away to the big bad labour ward. 

Why should a woman be punished for needing pain relief and rewarded for coping without? 

Every labour is different and all the interventions and options are there for a reason. There are no universal answers. Epidurals are not good, nor are they bad. They are sometimes, for various reasons, necessary. Diamorphine is not ideal but it is sometimes the best option. There are benefits of giving birth in a sqauting position, but some women can not cope in any other position than on their back. The mother, as well as the midwives need to constantly re-evaluate the situation and take any action that is necessary. You want a birth to result in a living and healthy baby, but you also want a living and healthy mother. In my book that includes sparing the mother from emotional trauma.

My labour was very difficult. Una was big and I am quite small. She was lying face up, meaning it was more painful and slow to move her down the birth canal. After a few hours in the birth centre I asked (demanded) to be transferred to the labour ward for pain relief. The only thing I can associate the pain with is torture. My body was in total shock and I truly believed I was going to die. I was desperately hoping someone could do something, anything to help me. Hours later, I had an epidural and, after talk of a c-section, Una was born with forceps. Because Una was lying face up and so was not coming out with the smallest area of her head first, as babies normally do, my pushing was to no avail. I suffered a third degree tear, also known as an anal sphincter rupture, and had to be taken to theatre to be stitched up for an hour.

Sometimes people say things like: giving birth is such a natural thing, a woman's body knows exactly what to do, women have been doing it for millions of years without hospitals. Of course we know this is all true, but we also know that far more people died in childbirth only a century ago. I truly believe that there is no way, with all the positive thoughts and breathing techniques in the world, that Una would have eventually been born healthy and alive in that birthing pool. I believe that if I could have got through the pain and been a "good girl" I would have eventually been rushed upstairs for an emergency cesarean section. 

A century ago would Una and I even have survived?

Giving life etc.

I'm trying to write the story of what happened when Una was born, just over four months ago, but I am struggling. I absolutely love reading and talking about births, other peoples experiences as well as my own. But for some reason I am finding it difficult to write about what happened. Maybe because it was so different from my expectations. Maybe because I sometimes feel like I didn't "do" that well. Even though my head knows labour is not a performance that you can do well or less well at, my heart still carries around some vague feeling of failure. Maybe because my experience was so traumatic that I sometimes feel nauseous when thinking about it in detail. But mainly it's because it feels so private. So exposing. The same way I feel slightly embarrassed talking about the injuries I sustained during my labour, I suppose it seems so related to sex and your private parts (worst expression ever). At the same time, when I read other people's birth stories I never feel as if they're getting a bit too personal or exposing too much. I guess it's about finding a balance, perhaps you don't need to include every gory detail to tell the full story. Hopefully I will get there in the end.

Friday night in

It's Friday night, Una and I are having a girls night in. We started the day with playgroup this this morning. I then dropped her off with James and Darren, who took her for lunch at Books for Cooks, while I went to a pilates class. Once I was back they headed out for the night to some festival.

Looking out the window at the beautiful summers evening I can't deny I wish I was enjoying a glass of wine with friends in a nice pub somewhere. Luckily, next Saturday is my birthday, so I intend to do just that! Tonight, instead, I've made myself a healthy and summery dinner of smoked mackerel and boiled eggs and plan to have an early night with my little girl. I really can't complain.

A lot of nothing

I know I've gone a bit quiet, only because there hasn't been a lot to report. I am in the sort of place where there is a lot of stuff happening, but at the same time there isn't much going on. Big things are taking up all my attention and energy, so I don't have an awful lot left over for the fun, exciting stuff.

The gym remains my time to focus on myself and have a break from stress. Tonight was LBT as usual, it was an amazing class. The best one I've done so far. High energy, dynamic and FUN! It's amazing how it gets more and more enjoyable as I am getting stronger and able to do more.

I am now in bed with Una, who has adopted the habit of waking up around 4 in the morning and not wanting to go back to sleep. She has always been the kind of baby that feeds, half asleep, and then settles straight back. So even though she still wakes up quite a few times a night I have never found it a problem. Now she has been more difficult to settle the last couple of nights. I suppose I should start to put her in to some sort of routine, but so far I have found it easiest to just go with the flow as she is such a relaxed baby. We shall see how things pan out, I am not worried.

Life goes on

Today Una and I met upt with my sister in Queensway. I left them to spend some quality niece/auntie time while I went to a pilates class. I hadn't done pilates in ages, it was even better than I remembered. After all the LBT and body pump classes I've done recently, the stretches and calm breathing felt so good. All my sore, tense muscles were stretched and loosened. I felt so relaxed, like I was being massaged. Before I knew it the hour was up, I could have kept going for another one. I'll definitely be back there next Sunday.

Unfortunately all my worries and stresses seemed to slap me in the face as soon as I left the gym and I am now feeling anything but relaxed. There is nothing I can do but keep going and look to the future. Sometimes the only thing left to do is to switch to autopilot. Stop thinking, planning and analyzing. That's what I am trying to do now. Life goes on, it always does.