cheer up love

I'm sad. But it's sad that I am sad. I am sad because tonight is one of those nights when I "have to" go home. Home to the prison cell that is MY bedroom in south london. I would much rather go home to OUR bedroom. But I need to wash clothes, pick up my camera for the wedding tomorrow, etc.. So I will cook and eat my dinner alone. and go to bed alone. sad.

when did I become such a saddo??

christmas gift list

Please Father Christmas may I have this glogg set (for swedish mulled wine) for my christmas present this year.

p.s could I receive it before Demember 13th, as I would like to use it for my lucia/christmas party?

hot like a potato

mmm I have just finished my surprisingly tasty lunch, which consisted of a jacket potato made in the microwave (works very well actually, you don't get the crispy skin, but still tasty and very quick!) filled with tuna and a bit of butter. On the side I had some salad made with tomato, cucumber and sweetcorn and the key ingredient, gronsakskrydda, The swedish salad seasoning which makes everything yummy (and it's NOT cheating in my book...)

Super easy, cheap and healthy and I can prepare it in the miniscule kitchen at work.

fashion disaster

I have to tell you about the fashion show I went to a couple of nights ago... I had been invited by an acquantiance in the industry (your typical fashionista gay guy, fabulous darling!). The catwalk show was to launch the sping summer 09 collections by two british based brands of swim/resortwear. They would both retail between £150-£300. When we arrived to the venue everything seemed completely fine and dandy. We had a couple of glasses of champagne and mingled, as you do. There wasn't anyone of particular interest there but the venue and set up looked nice enough. As we sat down for the catwalk show my boyfriend tried to contain his excitement at being at his first swimwear fashionshow, half naked women would soon walk down the catwalk, inches away from of our front row seats. The music started playing, building up to the moment when the first beautiful model would emerge from behind the white screens. And then.....

oh dear god. The most hideous models wearing the most hideous and unflattering swimwear appeared. The audience just sat there in absolut shock, their faces saying "this is what you dragged me here, in the pissing rain may I add, to see??" I don't know how to describe the models without sounding like a total bitch, but my boyfriends comment "I wouldn't sleep with any of them, and I'm a male whore!" was pretty telling. It wasn't so much there physique, which varied from anorectic 13 year old to cellulite-land, as the complete lack of charisma, confidence and effort (one had a big bruise on her leg, another was wearing big visible pants under her swimsuit, and several could have done with a leg wax). Also, the swimwear was so unflattering and illfitting that the models didn't even stand a chance.
The show must have been completely detrimental to their brand, the buyer next to me told me she had written an order already, but now wasn't going to confirm it as she was so horrified at how bad the fit was!

Well one thing I did learn from the show was how not to do a fashion show.

glorious food

tonight special: Pasta with chicken and mushrooms in pesto and cream sauce.
mmm

ps
and little petit filous for pudding (they were on special price in sainsburys)

snowy street smells like sweden

the view from our bedroom window last night

chill out

ugh it's so cold and horrible today that even the joy of seeing the first snow fall last night has faded from my memory and I am back to hating winter.

To do:

go to my big walk in wardrobe (otherwise know as poxy bedroom, but these days only used for storage as I impose myself on my boyfriends flatmates instead) at the other end of london and get my ugg boots and wolly socks.

tea for two

Today I am dreaming of a tea set. One with blue flowers to remind me of my grandmothers cups when I was young. A breakfast table is not complete without a pot of tea on it, and I am over the PG tips tea bag culture in britain. The british are known for their tea drinking and yet I miss the swedish approach to tea. Dunking a teabag in a cup of hot water simply doesn't cut it back where I am from. Tea is carefully brewed in beautiful pots and enjoyed in beautiful cups. I miss that..

rock and a hard place

those damn roadworks at notting hill gate are really beginning to piss me off! I have two options:

1. get the 452 as usual from Barlby road to Sloane square where I work. HOWEVER I need to leave half an hour earlier to go on a bloody tour of bayswater as the bus goes on the longest diversion in the history of the world.

2. get off at notting hill gate and pay an extra few hard earned pounds for the pleasure of wrestling with two million people on the platform before sweating it out on a packed circle line train.

over and out

Eh, is it ok to be completely knackered and want to go to bed at 8.40pm? With a belly full of dinner and a heavy head I can't bear the thought of watching crap TV for the next couple of hours!!Anyway I need my rest, I have a fashion show to go to tomorrow night...

luckiest girl alive

mmm I can smell sausages and mash from the kitchen, I can't wait.

another one bites the dust

Weekends are always over far too quickly. This one has been a good one. Friday night was quiet, we went for a not so tasty meal in an italian place on Portobello Road (£40 down the drain). On saturday I went for a facial which was just the most enjoyable experience. I had a free one that I could claim from the beauty salon at the company I work for, it's normally £65. I was considering swapping it for a massage but I am so glad I didn't! Not only did she cleanse, exfoliate, steam, extract, peel (with glycolic acid) and moisturise my face. She also gave me a shoulder, head and neck massage and while the glycolic acid was working on my skin she gave a me foot scrub and massage. The whole hour was just one pleasurable exprience after the other. I can see why the poshies get this done once a month... However I don't have £65 to spare on a monthly basis!

Saturday night was my friends 31st birthday in Paradise bar in kensal green. The bar was far too busy and there were so many of us that it just wasn't working, so we headed back to the flat. Needless to say the party continued in to the early hours. We got up Saturday afternoon to find the flat we had spent all day cleaning looking, well, no longer clean! Boyfriend cooked us a fry up (the best hangover cure) before we had to go to our next birthday party, that of my boyfriends niece turning 3. We spent a few frustrated minutes trying to wrap the Fifi playground set (she is obsessed with Fifi and the flowertots) before setting off. The walk which would normally take around 20min took more like 45 as I felt like I would die or puke or something. Once we got there I was quickly offered a beer which sorted me out in no time. The next couple of hours were spent with the birthday girl on my lap playing with her new fifi playground set (we had obviously bought the best pressie as she wouldn't let any of the other children near it!). She is so lovely and it was just so nice to have a little one on my lap to kiss and cuddle, really made me miss my years spent as nanny. She is also a funny little thing. Her uncle had got her a card and put a ten pound note in as a present and when she opened the card and the note fell out she exclaimed
-Mummy I found a tenner! Streetwise beyond her years..

doom and gloom

This morning I had a meeting with the buyer from Selfridges and she told me that in light of the current climate they are cutting all orders by 25%. The recession sucks.

I have to say though that going to the offices at Selfridges was quite an experience. Their massive reception area with leather sofas and a giant elephant made of (presumbly fake) leaves, snooty receptionists, electronic entrance passes and later on the office landscape with a sea of clone desks facing each other made me quite appreciate our own make shift "temporary" (since the past 4 years!!) office in the middle of a warehouse. There is just something much nicer and friendlier about working in a small company.

bring it back

Lovely times last weekend in Durham. When we arrived I had already been prewarned by my boyfriend that he wasn't sure what would be state of the flat, i.e if electricity and gas would still be switched on (he moved out 6 weeks ago and the flat has been empty since). He went up to the house as I started unloading the car and I was relieved to see him switch on the light in the entrance, we have power! As I came in to freezing cold flat (remember we have travelled 5 hours NORTH of london.... any further and we'd be in scotland!) I casually ask him to switch the heating on... we go to bed as it is already midnight. the next morning when the flat doesn't warm up we decide to investigate and discover that the pilot light had gone out. He calls up the gas company and as the conversation gets more and more heated when the person on the other end of the line is unhelpful to say the least, I decide to go and sit in the sitting room and wait for him to calm down. A while later, after plenty of shouting I hear him say the C word (oooh! how rude) and hang up. Ok, we'll just deal with this. We have no heating. No hot water. Luckily we have an electric stove, and can get on with cooking our breakfast. This is what we love to do every weekend, a delicious fry up of eggs, bacon, beans, tomatos, sometimes sausages or mushrooms. My only job is to make the tea and butter the toast. The flat is still freezing cold so me move some chairs and a little table to sit right in front of the stove, near the only source of heat. It's so nice and cosy, and we rarely eat at a table like this facing each other, we'd normally sit on the couch (for various reasons). But now we sit there and chat and enjoy our warm breakfast and cups of tea. Obviously we need to wash ourselves, so we boil countless of pans and kettles of water and fill up the bath. Then we have a lovely bath together, using a mixing bowl to pour water over our heads to rinse out the shampoo.

I think he was worried that I would throw a tantrum like some high maintanence city girl, but oh no, this was probably one of the nicest days I can remember.

what to wear

Next weekend I am going to a wedding, the first one I have been to since my dads when I was about 8! It will be a posh do, ceremony in the Orangery and reception at the Belvedere. I am obviously stressing about what to wear, but this is the plan at the moment. I am going to wear my black french connection strapless dress that I already have. I have been assured by several people that it's fine to wear black as long as I brighten the outfit up with accessories in lighter colours. Thus I will take my (very blinging!) silver clutch bag. Now all I need to get is a pashmina in a pale colour and some silver heels. My only worry is that my outfit will look more night club then posh weeding!

golden girl

I think I need a hip replacement... My hip is so sore! In fact the whole lower part of my body is variably achy after my recent bout of exercise (although it has only consisted of brisk walks!). It's official, I have the fitness level of an 80 year old granny.

Last night was cosy, I had my sister over, cooked some wintery lentil soup (still on my budget!) and just sat and chatted in the kitchen. Couldn't be bothered to continue the mountainous task of unpacking and organising my room. When we had the rental car last weekend we took the opportunity to go to my old flat and pick up all the stuff I had in storage there (basically the entire contents of my old room). I am now struggling to find a home for everything in the new flat, where my room is half the size. Also, the fact that I have had these things in storage since July, and have only thought of or missed a handful of items, makes me think I really don't need to own this many things or clothes! I thought I would be over the moon to have all my clothes and shoes to chose from, but I have ended wearing the contents of my suitcase, as I have for the past few months! The one thing I am pleased to finally have access to is my wintercoat, my summer jacket simly isn't doing the job anymore.

pretty please?

I had an appointment today with the swimwear buyer at harrods (that's what I do, I sell swimwear...) and as I was a little bit early I had a wander around the cosmetics department, and came across this beauty. I have smelt it before in a magazine sample and liked it, but now I have tested some on my wrists and I keep getting wafts of the delicious scent I absolutely love it! The smallest bottle is £35 and I am on tight budget at the moment, but hopefully I can hint enough to my boyfriend and he might get it for my christmas pressie.... mmm...

damn it

I wrote a long heartfelt pissed off post and then my computer crashed

jeez louise

I am so sick of people that think the world revolves around them. I am sick of people making me feel shit, making me doubt myself. I am sick of defining myself according to these peoples opinions of me. I am sick of being made to feel that I am a bad friend to people that have hardly bothered to contact me in the past year, just because the tables have turned. These girls used to be my best friends and I used to count myself lucky for having found them in London. For the past year I have been beating myself up for losing that closeness with them, for not apologising enough, for being boring, for anything else that they have told me I have done wrong. I am sick of it now. If they want to be my friends I wish they would show me that. I have spent far too long feeling shit about this, feeling like it would never get better, thinking I would never find friends like that again. And maybe I won't. But do I want friends like that? They may have been fun and I have had the best times with them, times I will never forget. But I have also had the most drama, the most childish high school issues that a girl can think up. I think I need to make the decision to move on. The problem is that one of these girls is my boyfriends sister, so as along as I am going out with him I will have to deal with her. Even worse, I am spending christmas at their house this year... Next weekend I will have to deal with this whole big mess and I can tell you that I am not looking forward to it.

unfit but you know it

It's icy out this morning, I am still finding it hard to type because my fingers are stiff from the cold. I walked to work this morning with my flatmate/workmate. It only took us 45min, which is quicker than usual. I walked home yesterday as well. A good way to save money and get fit! Let's see how long it lasts.... I am considering joining the gym next month. Everyone is telling me how it's ridiculous to spend £80 (at least! I prefer VirginActive..) a month on the gym, there are other ways to get fit. I completely agree with this statement. I could go for a run, play sports, cycle.... the question is will I do any of these things? Ever? I doubt it... Give me swanky changing rooms, complimentary towels, steam rooms, swimming pools, complicated exercise machines and TV screens blaring music videos by Girls Aloud/Pussycat Dolls/Kylie (because the scantily clad superfit singers will make any woman feel inadequate) and trust me, I'll make the effort!

poor me

Today I have spent £2.14 on my lunch, as I went to check my bank balance and had somehting in the region of £2.50. A brisk walk up to M&S later and I had scored some wholemeal pitta bread, mature cheddar cheese (the 99p taster size) and a cucumber. I can't say it was a culinary high, but it was at least economical, and the best part is there is some left for the same lunch again tomorrow.

and back again

I have come to realise that one skill I do not posess is attention to detail. I have had to re-do the same purchase order three times!!! Not loving excel today....

I have also come to realise that I am incredibly unfit and need to start doing exercise. I have been ignoring this for the past year or so (actually most of my life!), but in the last few weeks it has started to dawn on me that things are heading south, and I am only 24! This weekend my darling boyfriend described how my bottom feels like play doh.... I am sure he didn't mean it in a bad way, but my confidence in my own body is just not strong enough to deal with that!

counting down

One hour to go.... I have already briefed my boyfriend on his Sainsburys run, buy cranberry juice! He has also promised to make some nice sandwiches for the journey. All that's left to do is wait for this long day to end. I have done my big jobs of the day, placed my purchase orders with suppliers for hundreds of thousands of pounds, nerve wracking! Now I am biding my time until the weekend arrives in 50 minutes. I suspect I will not be making any more contributions to this blog over the weekend, hope you all have a good one!

still only 3 pm..... zzz

This day is just dragging on forever..... We have just had a big announcement in the office, one of our staff at another branch has been fired for gross misconduct. I think it's fair to say it has caused a bit of a solemn mood on my otherwise cheerful friday. On the upside my boss has come back from her NY trip and brought back a trashy magazine for me, the US trash mags beat all the other ones. Not that I read that sort of thing anyway.... I am very cultivated. Anyway, must get on with my mag.. I mean my spreadsheet!

warm those bottoms

"I'll be in early tomorrow" those famous final words... of course this morning was a different story. It's so cold and I was so tired that I had no desire to get out of bed at all, would rather have stayed in bed all day with my lovely boyfriend, who incidentally didn't have to go to work today.... Unfortunately duty called, as did nature! I am suffering my second bout of cystitis in a week... I can tell you it is not only painful and uncomfortable but also inconvenient and bloody annoying when you need to pop to the loo every two minutes! Up until this past week I can't remember the last time I had cystitis. Must have been when I was a little girl. But I remember, growing up in sweden, how mums and teachers would warn not to sit on cold seats (at bus stops etc) as you could get a "urin infection". Now I know this is really a pile of crap, cystitis is caused by bacteria, not by getting a cold bottom! Apparantly the best way to avoid it is to wee (or should I say urinate?) frequently and make sure to have a wee straight after having sex. Cranberry juice is also said to help. Bring it on!

how lucky am I?

finally 5.30 and I get to enjoy the great pleasure of getting the 452 to ladbroke grove where a tasty meal, a cosy bed and a lovely man await me. I am loving autumn of 2008.

sharing is caring

what with my impending road trip thought I would share this picture I took on our last one, driving over Forth Bridge, Scotland.

petrified

Boobs have grown to the size of melons, experiencing hormonal overload and serious cramps this morning and yet no sign of that red river.... It's a friend and a foe, when we get it we don't want it, but we don't get it on time we REALLY want to get it! Oh if only I kept track of my cycle better I wouldn't have to get in a flap like this everytime I "suspect" I might be late....

Pray for me.

roadtrip of sorts

It's settled then, tomorrow he will pick me up from work and we will drive up to Durham.... in the middle rush hour.... should be fun! we will stay there two nights and then make the hellish journey back on Sunday. I am quite looking forward to it though, a weekend away from London doesn't sound too bad for a change. Also, I quite like playing the DJ in the passenger seat.

emotional rollercoaster

My hormones are playing havoc at the moment. Yesterday I stormed out of the sittingroom in tears because my beloved boyfriend had made a trip to the supermarket to buy doritos and dips (our favourite past time it would appear) but managed to buy not one but two dips that were equally inedible and, well, just plain minging.

Conclusion: he is not very good at choosing dips and I am not emotionally stable.

smug happiness

Today I am appreciating how great life can be by remembering how it wasn't always so great. Last night it took the promise of some beers and doritos on a rainy autumn evening (without sounding too cliched..) for me to realise how I can't remember when I was last as happy as I am now. I am sure this blog would be a lot more interesting had I written it a couple of years ago when I was not in such a shiny happy place, but to be honest I would take a boring blog over a miserable existense anyday!

criticise me

when will I ever have time to update my blog?? well this has been a fairly uneventful week, apart from my horrendous appraisal last night. This "career-thing" is a real bitch sometimes... I sat through an hour of "you could improve this/ we could do this better/need to get better at/we expect to see" only for my boss to re-cap "that went really well! really impressed!" what? you must have been at a different meeting from me! at least now it's over and it won't come around for another year....

financial diarrhea

just checked my bank balance, I own 19 pounds.

19!!

6 days after pay day......

19 pounds!!!

is this normal???

am I a selfish bastard?

I have noticed something quite worrying about myself, I have started to develop a selfish and selfcentred streak in my personality.

For example: this weekend my german friend was staying with me. We went out together on thursday and friday night and spent saturday together. Saturday night I had plans to go to a friends birthday party. These plans were made before my german friend was coming to stay and I had told her that I had to go to this party and that she was more than welcome to come along. All day saturday she was hinting that she would rather stay at home and asked did I mind. I said of course not. As it turns out the party becomes a bit of an all nighter. I end up at a friends house in west London. We end up staying there and only get back to my boyfriends house at 3 in the afternoon on sunday (he was at the party with me and lives ten minutes away, whereas my house is a 40min taxi journey, needless to say at this stage I am feeling pretty dodgy) My friend was leaving for the airport at 2.30...... Obviously I know I was being a complete dick, not going to see my friend off or even say good bye. I know that it is shitty and I am bombarding her with grovelling apologetic texts, but I can't really justify what happened. To the point, I think this demonstrates how I can be a right selfish cow.

But what I think is the main reason for my day to day less dramatic type of selfishness is wanting to be with my boyfriend. I last saw him thursday morning after I stayed at his house, before the party on saturday. As pathetic as it sounds I was really missing him at that stage. I tend to stay at his 5-6 nights a week (he doesn't stay at mine as I have the tiniest room and tiniest bed in the world, see previous post....). And when it comes to that night when I feel I should go home/I need to get more clothes/whatever other reason, it doesn't feel great. Am I just madly in love or am I a pathetic girl that depends on others and is making her boyfriend her entire world? In my defense, we spent the first year of our relationship living on opposite sides of the country (him in Newcastle and me in london), taking in turns to visit each other (this was back when I had a normal sized room and bed, oh how I miss those glorious days!) We would only see each other every 2-3 weeks, sometimes 4 or 5 weeks would pass because of cicumstances. He moved to london 3 weeks ago to be closer to me. I think I am still in the same mindset asbefore, constantly feeling that I have to make the most of every moment with him, not getting used to the fact that he is here for good now. I feel like I should stop myself from seeing him so much and speaking to him so much if I don't see him and thinking of him, distance makes the heart grow fonder and all that..... But at the same time I am so in love for the first time, I want to be with him and he wants to be with me. I guess I am just so useless at this relationship crap because I never experienced anything quite like this before.

phew, glad I got that off my chest! If anyone is still reading this, thanks for listening to (reading) my self inflicted luxury problems.

umemål

it's really quite amazing how I can enetertain myself for ages just by doing a "norrlandsk" accent. Obviously what with being from Umea in the north of Sweden I have a northern twang of an accent anyway, but it's just hours of laughs exaggerating it to a sort of "Sverker-style"....

jomenhuvvadåvisst! ja mått int veta!

I hope to be he proud owner of this bag by the end of the day... yay!

Happy Friday!

The weekend has arrived at last, hurrah! I really need to try and be productive today at work, as I have managed a minimal amount of productivity since my boss went away. Luckily she is on a buying trip to Paris on Monday, so I will have one more day to get done what I should have done since Tuesday! What can I say, I like to live on the edge with these things. Last night was good fun, eat-till-you-feel-sick-at-wagamama style, with Kathi and Anna. And on the bus journey home, which took around 45 min, we had a very interesting indepth conversation about smear tests and cervical cancer, which led in to breast cancer and std:s. I think we all managed to scare each other enough that we will all be booking GP appointments for tests! Better safe than sorry.

scary thought

will I now become Bridget Jones like character, constantly checking/updating my blogg instead of doing any real work?? I suppose the difference from facebooking/youtubing/general netsurfing instead of doing real work isn't massive.... so I shall not feel guilty. Also, I am sure I will not get away with this kind of behaviour once my boss/deskmate returns from holiday on tuesday... Guess I should enjoy it while I can!

Anyway, stop bothering me, I have work to get on with!! These PO:s don't write themselves!