jeez louise

I am so sick of people that think the world revolves around them. I am sick of people making me feel shit, making me doubt myself. I am sick of defining myself according to these peoples opinions of me. I am sick of being made to feel that I am a bad friend to people that have hardly bothered to contact me in the past year, just because the tables have turned. These girls used to be my best friends and I used to count myself lucky for having found them in London. For the past year I have been beating myself up for losing that closeness with them, for not apologising enough, for being boring, for anything else that they have told me I have done wrong. I am sick of it now. If they want to be my friends I wish they would show me that. I have spent far too long feeling shit about this, feeling like it would never get better, thinking I would never find friends like that again. And maybe I won't. But do I want friends like that? They may have been fun and I have had the best times with them, times I will never forget. But I have also had the most drama, the most childish high school issues that a girl can think up. I think I need to make the decision to move on. The problem is that one of these girls is my boyfriends sister, so as along as I am going out with him I will have to deal with her. Even worse, I am spending christmas at their house this year... Next weekend I will have to deal with this whole big mess and I can tell you that I am not looking forward to it.