today....

I am bored
I am wearing my grey jersey dress from asos.com with grey tights and my brown boots
I smell of Chanel Coco Mademoiselle and of the two oranges I just ate
I am jealous of my boyfriend who gets to go to a museum today, rather than work all day like me
I had a smoked salmon bagel for my lunch
I feel tired
I have had three cups of tea
I am sporting a lovebite on my right temple, (don't know how that happened?)
I miss my sister and all other selfish people that have cruelly abandoned me over christmas/new year

life on the shopfloor

If I have to listen to christmas music for one more day I think I will kill someone.

christmas

All that build up and over so quickly! It was different and wonderful and all I could have hoped for.

many thanks

Like a donut I have not been able to figure out how to track how many readers visit my blog. But now, thanks to some help from mamacita, who kindly shared her blogger wisdom with a novice like myself, I can find out how many (or few) readers I have. Hallelujah!

If you want to read her blog you can find it here: http://mammaca.blogspot.com/ Go on!
(still not figured out how to do those fancy hidden links everyone seems to use. Next project maybe?)

soothing

If you are not already listening to Fleet Foxes, do so NOW.

the big 3 0

Ok, so I was persuaded to go to the pub in the end... By half time I was so bored I just went home.

Instead I thought I'd entertain myself (and you, hopefully!) by posting some photos from last night. My friend Jenny turned 30 and threw a party in a bar in clapham common. The place left a lot to be desired and was pretty much empty, bar us. We still had a great time, dancing somewhat ironcially and very enthusiastically to the likes of Britney and S Club 7.

the birthday girl and her balloons...

are those straws or glowsticks?

my brand spankin new shoes, featuring glowsticks.

thanks but, no thanks

Even the promise of a sunday roast isn't enough to persuade me to endure the football on telly at the pub.

I think I'll get my last few bits of christmas shopping done instead. Kensington High Street maybe?

christmas fika

Surely no sane person goes to oxford circus on the saturday before christmas? Well, we did...

In the midst of manic christmas shopping yesterday, we made time for a sit down at Scandi Kitchen. We had delicious sandwiches and hot chocolates served in their weird but wonderful cups. We even managed to get our hands on their last lussekatt, swedish saffron bun, which we shared.

delicious christmas fika

My sweet sister Sabina

Me in my new-ish skirt from American Apparel

systra mig

The great thing about having a sister is that she is basically a slightly different version of me. We can laugh together in a way I can't with anyone else. We find the same stupid things hilarious, and find each other hilarious! My sister and I are quite close in age, 2 years difference. I think it is because of this that we have gone through stages of not getting on at all and stages of being best of friends, ever since we were very young. When I was born she used to bite me and hit me and all sorts of mean things, out of jelousy of course. As young children she didn't have much interest in playing with her annoying little sister at all, least of all if any of her friends were around! I, on the other hand, adored her and could think of nothing better than to be allowed in to her room and her world.

As we got older we started to get on better and in our teens became good friends. She was my protector in school, would never let anyone be mean to me, and that holds true till this day. Just try unfairly offending me in her presence and you will get an ear lashing! I think what brought us the closest was when we moved out of our mothers house and in to a flat together, when I was just 16 and she was 18. She took on the role of my mother and really looked after me when perhaps I wasn't really ready to look after myself. For this I am eternally grateful. She remains my most loyal friend, the one I can call in the middle of the night, crying hysterically. She is the one that can make me feel a little better.

Det har ar till dej allra karaste syster.

Sabina and I in Umea, 2006

exhausted

Why do I always leave my christmas shopping till the last minute?

a long story

I am in desperate need of a haircut, wouldn't you say?

no fool

Why do people always seem to think it is their place to offer up opinions on my choices? I can't tell you how many times in last few days I have had people tell me that I am throwing my career away, how I will regret this decision and what a fool I am. I am of course talking about my recent resignation from the company where I have worked for the past three years. People just can't accept that just because I have been offered something THEY want, I am not a fool for not wanting it for myself.

The truth is that I never grew up wanting to work in sales, I never dreamt of targets and comissions. I am not a person that is naturally motivated by making money, for myself or for others. I am not particularly competitive. Worst of all, I actually quite dispise the whole consumerist, capitalist essence of the industry in general and this company in particular. Don't get me wrong, I realise I need to make money to live, that I will always need a job. However I would like to believe that there is a job out there that I will find much more fulfilling and meaningful than selling bikinis. The position I have is a a great opportunity for the right person, however that person is not me.

So inspite of everyone elses "wise words" I am going my own way.

that's that

Done and dusted. In January I am going from fashion sales to nappy changing in order later on go off to see the world with my most special best friend Hanna.

I can't wait.

christmas dilemma

Again not written in a while... At the moment I am busy planning my christams party next weekend, though I am starting to go off the idea slightly.... For some reason no one else seems to be as excited about it as me. None of the prospective guests, that is. It seems they want more then I can offer them. I have been dreaming of mulled wine, christmas decorations, homemade pepparkakor, bottles of red wine and lots of nice conversation. But it seems my dream may be shattered by friends that can't imagine a saturday night without clubbing and getting wrecked out of their minds. This is their choice, of course. I just wish someone would share my enthusiasm for cloved oranges and candle light. I have even been planning a trip down portobello to buy some beautiful second hand china to enjoy the beef stew in. Now I am not sure wether to bother. But then again, I guess I am doing this for me, for my own pleasure as much as theirs. Maybe I need to broaden my social group! Seriously though, I think I am just go going to go all out with my party and those who enjoy it can, and the rest can bugger off to a club at midnight and I can stay behind and tuck myself in to bed, to recover some energy for the clearing up the next day!

long time no see

I think I am bit to inconsistent to be a good blogger. Some days I write several posts, other times days will pass. It's not because I don't have anything to write about, more like the opposite! Too many things have been going on (good and bad) for me to have the time, or for me to be able to gather my thoughts enough to write. I can tell you three things about the weekend:

1. fika at scandi kitchen on saturday was very nice, and I spent £40 in the shop!

2. very, very soon I will be able to post much better photos (which may encourage me to post photos more often!) as I have been given a sneaky early christmas present from santa... guess what it is!

3. far too many people have seen my right breast (courtesy of above mentioned christmas present...)

have a good night folks.

bring on xmas

Today I just can't wait for christmas. I want fairylights and christmas trees and lussekatter.... This saturday me and my sister are planning a shopping trip to get all our swedish christmas essentials from scandi kitchen. (www.scandikitchen.co.uk) Luckily there are so many good shops to get swedish supplies from in London. Funnily enough when I first moved to london I was indifferent to all things swedish and was more intrigued by the english food culture and traditions. I guess it is natural that after some time away you start miss those of your own uppbringing. I soon developed a weird patriotism where I see all things swedish through thick rosetinted glasses. If I had a penny for each time I utter the words "well it's just so much better in sweden" or "in sweden we do it this way" I would be a wealthy woman indeed.

feist

I can't stop listening.

redundancy welcome

Another nice day. Started off this morning with some freshly baked scones for breakfast. Then a walk down portobello road. I found some beautiful china, teapot and cups in white with blue flowers, just what I want! But my pocket said no. It started to rain, but I didn't mind so much even though my new tights got wet and I was wearing ballet pumps and a super short dress. When we got home we put our electrical "fire" on and hubby cooked us up some nice potato hash with salmon and onions in (odd combo of things we had at home, but it was very tasty).

freshly baked scones (yes, that is indeed sinful cheese on the table)

This evening we were expecting friends over but they never showed up. Is it just me or is that incredibly rude? hmm.. I was a bit miffed.

Tomorrow is Monday and I am already experiencing the should-I-just-quit-my-job-sunday-blues. Depressing.

rise and shine

What is wrong with me, I keep waking up really early on the weekends. I have been awake since 8.30 and have finally accepted my fate and got up. Now everyone else is sleeping, including our lodger on the couch, which means I can't even put the telly on. So I am banished to the computer in the bedroom, trying to type quietly (impossible if you ask me).

Yesterday was a real treat. We started off with a christmas fair in Barnes where we met up with my sister and her male companion (no other term can describe their relationship). The fair was, shall we say small but perfectly formed. It offered us varmkorv - swedish hot dogs, glogg - swedish mulled wine and pepparkakor - swedish gingerbiscuits, so all in all I was happy. They also had a variety of swedish grocery items available but I'll go and get all of that from scandi kitchen in soho another weekend to get supplies for my christmas party in a few weeks.

On the way home we stopped in the pub the North Pole, him a pint of guinness, me a cup of tea.
And then home to dinner with friends, cooked by our flatmate, a lovely mushroom risotto. We decided last minute to join them bowling at all star lanes in bayswater and it was great fun, although I was absolutely rubbish.

bowling (not with our feet obviously)

nice spice

After a long hard day at work (can't wait for this box-packing debacle to be over...) we cooked some warming spicy pumpkin soup together. I use the word together in loosest possible sense - he cooks, I hang around, chatting, occasionally stirring when allowed. It was very tasty and healthy, but best of all, so economical! The pumkin was £1.20. Add to that a couple of tomatoes, an onion, some stock and spices and you're only on £2. This made a filling dinner for two, plus a bowl for my lunch tomorrow. It's all about saving, as I am skint as a bint!

eat my cheese

We seem to be finding it very hard to eat healthily since hubby had his health scare. I have made the HUGE sacrifice of no longer keeping cheese in the house, as it is one of the worst things for high cholestoral. Those who know me will know that I suffer severe withdrawal symptoms on a daily basis without my beloved cheese. I must say it isn't easily replaced either. What else can I put on my toast in the morning (that isn't bad for someone with high cholestoral, risk for diabetes etc...) Jam? high in sugar. Honey? high in sugar. At the moment I am sticking with vegemite (the aussie version of marmite, for those of you not in the know). However it is high in salt and also someone elses property, as I just sneakily steal some from our aussie flatmates each morning. Suggestions welcome.

Since his health scare he seems to have gone the complete opposite way. Last night for example, he came home with beers, pepperoni pizza and sticky toffee pudding with custard for dessert. I mean, really! And on sunday night when some of our guests were smoking out the window he thought it seemed like a good idea to have a couple of fags himself! Cheeky bastard!

delicious

Last night was delicious. After returning from a rather dull day at work I found our flatmates were cooking a sunday roast! A big plate full of sliced roast lamb, a big bowl of roast potatoes, parsnips and baby carrots, green beans, yorkshire puds and gravy. Combined with the company of some lovely friends and endless bottles of red wine it was a very nice sunday evening.

end of an era

Today: hungover and very sad.

I have said goodbye to a dear friend, and though the past year has been up and down for us, I am so sad to see her go, all the way back to australia. Only a few months ago I said goodbye to my other best friend as she moved back to dublin (though I had lost her before she even left). What I will miss so dearly is what we had 2 years ago when there was the three of us, drinking bottles of red wine and eating steak and chips in the Prince Albert every week.

first there were three
now there's only me

I know I shouldn't have regrets, but I have so many I couldn't count them all if i tried.

poo

Finally friday and I've just been informed I need to work on Sunday. Poo.

i have a dream

I had a slightly surreal conversation with someone at my work yesterday. I had read an article that morning about the horrific abuse and death of a little 17 month old child at the hands of his own mother and stepfather. He had been monitored by social services for the last year of his life and had been in hospital countless times with injures to horrific to even describe here, yet the abuse had been allowed to continue and the parents had kept custody of the boy. As I was reading this in the metro, on the tube to work, I was nearly in tears. It is just so incredibly sad that someone would do that do a child, but also so unbelievable that no one social services had acted on the blatant abuse. When I got to work I re-told the story to my work collegues and exclaimed how if our company goes bust (which it just might!) I am thinking of re-training as a social worker. This conversation followed

-but this is just the kind of thing that should make you NOT want to be a social worker!
-eh?
-well their job must be so hard and they probably had their hands tied, blah blah blah

So because a job is hard, because you may need to work to change things and your work may not be appreciated by everyone, you should simply not do it? So we should have no social workers? No one should be willing to take on that job and try and help children and people in general and make a difference in our society?

I am under no illusion that the job would be easy, but I think it is important. Far more important than selling bikinis.

Rant over, I will be late for work!

Happy belated fathers day pappa.

Yesterday was fathers day in sweden, I only realised this today. Not that it makes much difference, I have no way of contacting my father to congratulate him anyway...

babycakes

Today my dear boyfriend had some not so good news from his doctors. He has a history of illness and today received test results which, although they are not acute, are still very bad news. Something I knew was coming at one point or another but was hoping would be later rather than sooner. Something which is inevitable for someone with his history. I am hoping it won't get serious, but it certainly spells the beginning of a period of tests and changes in medications to try and stop his health declining. He was also told he has very high cholesterol, so we must now make a real effort to impove his diet, making it low fat, low salt etc. We all know we love a good fry up on a weekend morning, but I am more than happy to give those up if it means my hubby will be happy and healthy!!

All this has just made me feel like a spoilt, silly girl. The last few days I have had my own crisis over stupid girls drama, I have felt very sorry for myself and very hard done by. Getting these news this morning just made me think what an absolute idiot I am to complain over petty things, when I am so lucky to have my health and to have all the joys I have had in my life. Most of all to have found my hubby and for us to have come though everything that has happened and have stayed together. The ironic thing is that he is probably the happiest person I know, never complaining, always making the best of things. I suppose he appreciates life in a way I don't. All I can hope for is that all this will go away and they will fix him. I am so happy to have him, whether I have him for 5 years, for 20 years or for 60 years, I am the luckiest girl in the world.

fancy that

I have just found out about this clubnight in Notting Hill arts club. Every wednesday Alan McGee (the man who first signed Oasis, in case you didn't know) does a night with live sets by post punk and rock bands. I need to try that out next week. Tonight we are having leaving drinks for a lovely girl who used to work with us, she was the sweetest girl who gave me my "I love tea" mug as gift, no special occasion, just because I love tea!

remember remember the fifth of November...

So last night we went to bonfire night in clapham. I went to the same thing last year in Battersea and it was really good, really well orchestrated, with the fireworks in time with the music. I can tell you that the one last night was quite disappointing. Just a bunch of fireworks shot up willy nilly. But hey, I was in good company so it wasn't all bad! Unfortunately me and my boyfriend managed to have an argument in McDonals first, about a chocolate sundae.... silly us.

Not too impressive, eh?

Me and my sister at the fireworks display in clapham common

My dear sister watching the fireworks, can in hand!

vilken soppa

Butternut sqaush soup it was, accompanied by a french stick I picked up from partridges on the way home, and lots of tasty feta cheese. Then had a nice long bath with muscle soak for my achy back after all the box carrying and packing today at work (November means delivery time in the world of wholesale, not so glamorous). Now I have put some washing on, tidied up our room, had a cup of tea with lemon meringue pie and attempted to hoover the kitchen, but apparantly the hoover smelled too bad (!) In ten minutes the footy finishes and my boyfriend will return to planet earth.

Tomorrow night is Guy Fawkes, thinking of joining my sister and old flatmate (technically still my flatmate, but do I really live there??) at the clapham common bonfire. I am a sucker for the fireworks displays.

Good night people.

what do you expect?

Yesterday he cooked me stir fry with pan fried sea bream. It was very tasty, but this morning I thought he may have given me food poisoning. And then we didn't leave things very well this morning, but that was for other reasons. I can be a spoilt bitch but he can be real wanker.

Onwards and upwards... French onion soup tonight, or maybe butternut squash soup?

stoopid me

Ugh, I think I am still hungover from saturday night... still I feel miles better than I did yesterday. Luckily my boyfriend tried to nurse me back to health by cooking me a fry up and later ordering some delicious indian food (ooh I love popadoms..) We watched pursuit of happyness in bed, just what I needed. The weekend was good, I can't be arsed to go in to detail right now, but I am sure I will later.

What I will say is that no sane person who has just paid a phonebill for £186 decides it's a good idea to make an hour long internation call. I clearly did.

cheer up love

I'm sad. But it's sad that I am sad. I am sad because tonight is one of those nights when I "have to" go home. Home to the prison cell that is MY bedroom in south london. I would much rather go home to OUR bedroom. But I need to wash clothes, pick up my camera for the wedding tomorrow, etc.. So I will cook and eat my dinner alone. and go to bed alone. sad.

when did I become such a saddo??

christmas gift list

Please Father Christmas may I have this glogg set (for swedish mulled wine) for my christmas present this year.

p.s could I receive it before Demember 13th, as I would like to use it for my lucia/christmas party?

hot like a potato

mmm I have just finished my surprisingly tasty lunch, which consisted of a jacket potato made in the microwave (works very well actually, you don't get the crispy skin, but still tasty and very quick!) filled with tuna and a bit of butter. On the side I had some salad made with tomato, cucumber and sweetcorn and the key ingredient, gronsakskrydda, The swedish salad seasoning which makes everything yummy (and it's NOT cheating in my book...)

Super easy, cheap and healthy and I can prepare it in the miniscule kitchen at work.

fashion disaster

I have to tell you about the fashion show I went to a couple of nights ago... I had been invited by an acquantiance in the industry (your typical fashionista gay guy, fabulous darling!). The catwalk show was to launch the sping summer 09 collections by two british based brands of swim/resortwear. They would both retail between £150-£300. When we arrived to the venue everything seemed completely fine and dandy. We had a couple of glasses of champagne and mingled, as you do. There wasn't anyone of particular interest there but the venue and set up looked nice enough. As we sat down for the catwalk show my boyfriend tried to contain his excitement at being at his first swimwear fashionshow, half naked women would soon walk down the catwalk, inches away from of our front row seats. The music started playing, building up to the moment when the first beautiful model would emerge from behind the white screens. And then.....

oh dear god. The most hideous models wearing the most hideous and unflattering swimwear appeared. The audience just sat there in absolut shock, their faces saying "this is what you dragged me here, in the pissing rain may I add, to see??" I don't know how to describe the models without sounding like a total bitch, but my boyfriends comment "I wouldn't sleep with any of them, and I'm a male whore!" was pretty telling. It wasn't so much there physique, which varied from anorectic 13 year old to cellulite-land, as the complete lack of charisma, confidence and effort (one had a big bruise on her leg, another was wearing big visible pants under her swimsuit, and several could have done with a leg wax). Also, the swimwear was so unflattering and illfitting that the models didn't even stand a chance.
The show must have been completely detrimental to their brand, the buyer next to me told me she had written an order already, but now wasn't going to confirm it as she was so horrified at how bad the fit was!

Well one thing I did learn from the show was how not to do a fashion show.

glorious food

tonight special: Pasta with chicken and mushrooms in pesto and cream sauce.
mmm

ps
and little petit filous for pudding (they were on special price in sainsburys)

snowy street smells like sweden

the view from our bedroom window last night

chill out

ugh it's so cold and horrible today that even the joy of seeing the first snow fall last night has faded from my memory and I am back to hating winter.

To do:

go to my big walk in wardrobe (otherwise know as poxy bedroom, but these days only used for storage as I impose myself on my boyfriends flatmates instead) at the other end of london and get my ugg boots and wolly socks.

tea for two

Today I am dreaming of a tea set. One with blue flowers to remind me of my grandmothers cups when I was young. A breakfast table is not complete without a pot of tea on it, and I am over the PG tips tea bag culture in britain. The british are known for their tea drinking and yet I miss the swedish approach to tea. Dunking a teabag in a cup of hot water simply doesn't cut it back where I am from. Tea is carefully brewed in beautiful pots and enjoyed in beautiful cups. I miss that..

rock and a hard place

those damn roadworks at notting hill gate are really beginning to piss me off! I have two options:

1. get the 452 as usual from Barlby road to Sloane square where I work. HOWEVER I need to leave half an hour earlier to go on a bloody tour of bayswater as the bus goes on the longest diversion in the history of the world.

2. get off at notting hill gate and pay an extra few hard earned pounds for the pleasure of wrestling with two million people on the platform before sweating it out on a packed circle line train.

over and out

Eh, is it ok to be completely knackered and want to go to bed at 8.40pm? With a belly full of dinner and a heavy head I can't bear the thought of watching crap TV for the next couple of hours!!Anyway I need my rest, I have a fashion show to go to tomorrow night...

luckiest girl alive

mmm I can smell sausages and mash from the kitchen, I can't wait.

another one bites the dust

Weekends are always over far too quickly. This one has been a good one. Friday night was quiet, we went for a not so tasty meal in an italian place on Portobello Road (£40 down the drain). On saturday I went for a facial which was just the most enjoyable experience. I had a free one that I could claim from the beauty salon at the company I work for, it's normally £65. I was considering swapping it for a massage but I am so glad I didn't! Not only did she cleanse, exfoliate, steam, extract, peel (with glycolic acid) and moisturise my face. She also gave me a shoulder, head and neck massage and while the glycolic acid was working on my skin she gave a me foot scrub and massage. The whole hour was just one pleasurable exprience after the other. I can see why the poshies get this done once a month... However I don't have £65 to spare on a monthly basis!

Saturday night was my friends 31st birthday in Paradise bar in kensal green. The bar was far too busy and there were so many of us that it just wasn't working, so we headed back to the flat. Needless to say the party continued in to the early hours. We got up Saturday afternoon to find the flat we had spent all day cleaning looking, well, no longer clean! Boyfriend cooked us a fry up (the best hangover cure) before we had to go to our next birthday party, that of my boyfriends niece turning 3. We spent a few frustrated minutes trying to wrap the Fifi playground set (she is obsessed with Fifi and the flowertots) before setting off. The walk which would normally take around 20min took more like 45 as I felt like I would die or puke or something. Once we got there I was quickly offered a beer which sorted me out in no time. The next couple of hours were spent with the birthday girl on my lap playing with her new fifi playground set (we had obviously bought the best pressie as she wouldn't let any of the other children near it!). She is so lovely and it was just so nice to have a little one on my lap to kiss and cuddle, really made me miss my years spent as nanny. She is also a funny little thing. Her uncle had got her a card and put a ten pound note in as a present and when she opened the card and the note fell out she exclaimed
-Mummy I found a tenner! Streetwise beyond her years..

doom and gloom

This morning I had a meeting with the buyer from Selfridges and she told me that in light of the current climate they are cutting all orders by 25%. The recession sucks.

I have to say though that going to the offices at Selfridges was quite an experience. Their massive reception area with leather sofas and a giant elephant made of (presumbly fake) leaves, snooty receptionists, electronic entrance passes and later on the office landscape with a sea of clone desks facing each other made me quite appreciate our own make shift "temporary" (since the past 4 years!!) office in the middle of a warehouse. There is just something much nicer and friendlier about working in a small company.

bring it back

Lovely times last weekend in Durham. When we arrived I had already been prewarned by my boyfriend that he wasn't sure what would be state of the flat, i.e if electricity and gas would still be switched on (he moved out 6 weeks ago and the flat has been empty since). He went up to the house as I started unloading the car and I was relieved to see him switch on the light in the entrance, we have power! As I came in to freezing cold flat (remember we have travelled 5 hours NORTH of london.... any further and we'd be in scotland!) I casually ask him to switch the heating on... we go to bed as it is already midnight. the next morning when the flat doesn't warm up we decide to investigate and discover that the pilot light had gone out. He calls up the gas company and as the conversation gets more and more heated when the person on the other end of the line is unhelpful to say the least, I decide to go and sit in the sitting room and wait for him to calm down. A while later, after plenty of shouting I hear him say the C word (oooh! how rude) and hang up. Ok, we'll just deal with this. We have no heating. No hot water. Luckily we have an electric stove, and can get on with cooking our breakfast. This is what we love to do every weekend, a delicious fry up of eggs, bacon, beans, tomatos, sometimes sausages or mushrooms. My only job is to make the tea and butter the toast. The flat is still freezing cold so me move some chairs and a little table to sit right in front of the stove, near the only source of heat. It's so nice and cosy, and we rarely eat at a table like this facing each other, we'd normally sit on the couch (for various reasons). But now we sit there and chat and enjoy our warm breakfast and cups of tea. Obviously we need to wash ourselves, so we boil countless of pans and kettles of water and fill up the bath. Then we have a lovely bath together, using a mixing bowl to pour water over our heads to rinse out the shampoo.

I think he was worried that I would throw a tantrum like some high maintanence city girl, but oh no, this was probably one of the nicest days I can remember.

what to wear

Next weekend I am going to a wedding, the first one I have been to since my dads when I was about 8! It will be a posh do, ceremony in the Orangery and reception at the Belvedere. I am obviously stressing about what to wear, but this is the plan at the moment. I am going to wear my black french connection strapless dress that I already have. I have been assured by several people that it's fine to wear black as long as I brighten the outfit up with accessories in lighter colours. Thus I will take my (very blinging!) silver clutch bag. Now all I need to get is a pashmina in a pale colour and some silver heels. My only worry is that my outfit will look more night club then posh weeding!

golden girl

I think I need a hip replacement... My hip is so sore! In fact the whole lower part of my body is variably achy after my recent bout of exercise (although it has only consisted of brisk walks!). It's official, I have the fitness level of an 80 year old granny.

Last night was cosy, I had my sister over, cooked some wintery lentil soup (still on my budget!) and just sat and chatted in the kitchen. Couldn't be bothered to continue the mountainous task of unpacking and organising my room. When we had the rental car last weekend we took the opportunity to go to my old flat and pick up all the stuff I had in storage there (basically the entire contents of my old room). I am now struggling to find a home for everything in the new flat, where my room is half the size. Also, the fact that I have had these things in storage since July, and have only thought of or missed a handful of items, makes me think I really don't need to own this many things or clothes! I thought I would be over the moon to have all my clothes and shoes to chose from, but I have ended wearing the contents of my suitcase, as I have for the past few months! The one thing I am pleased to finally have access to is my wintercoat, my summer jacket simly isn't doing the job anymore.

pretty please?

I had an appointment today with the swimwear buyer at harrods (that's what I do, I sell swimwear...) and as I was a little bit early I had a wander around the cosmetics department, and came across this beauty. I have smelt it before in a magazine sample and liked it, but now I have tested some on my wrists and I keep getting wafts of the delicious scent I absolutely love it! The smallest bottle is £35 and I am on tight budget at the moment, but hopefully I can hint enough to my boyfriend and he might get it for my christmas pressie.... mmm...

damn it

I wrote a long heartfelt pissed off post and then my computer crashed

jeez louise

I am so sick of people that think the world revolves around them. I am sick of people making me feel shit, making me doubt myself. I am sick of defining myself according to these peoples opinions of me. I am sick of being made to feel that I am a bad friend to people that have hardly bothered to contact me in the past year, just because the tables have turned. These girls used to be my best friends and I used to count myself lucky for having found them in London. For the past year I have been beating myself up for losing that closeness with them, for not apologising enough, for being boring, for anything else that they have told me I have done wrong. I am sick of it now. If they want to be my friends I wish they would show me that. I have spent far too long feeling shit about this, feeling like it would never get better, thinking I would never find friends like that again. And maybe I won't. But do I want friends like that? They may have been fun and I have had the best times with them, times I will never forget. But I have also had the most drama, the most childish high school issues that a girl can think up. I think I need to make the decision to move on. The problem is that one of these girls is my boyfriends sister, so as along as I am going out with him I will have to deal with her. Even worse, I am spending christmas at their house this year... Next weekend I will have to deal with this whole big mess and I can tell you that I am not looking forward to it.

unfit but you know it

It's icy out this morning, I am still finding it hard to type because my fingers are stiff from the cold. I walked to work this morning with my flatmate/workmate. It only took us 45min, which is quicker than usual. I walked home yesterday as well. A good way to save money and get fit! Let's see how long it lasts.... I am considering joining the gym next month. Everyone is telling me how it's ridiculous to spend £80 (at least! I prefer VirginActive..) a month on the gym, there are other ways to get fit. I completely agree with this statement. I could go for a run, play sports, cycle.... the question is will I do any of these things? Ever? I doubt it... Give me swanky changing rooms, complimentary towels, steam rooms, swimming pools, complicated exercise machines and TV screens blaring music videos by Girls Aloud/Pussycat Dolls/Kylie (because the scantily clad superfit singers will make any woman feel inadequate) and trust me, I'll make the effort!

poor me

Today I have spent £2.14 on my lunch, as I went to check my bank balance and had somehting in the region of £2.50. A brisk walk up to M&S later and I had scored some wholemeal pitta bread, mature cheddar cheese (the 99p taster size) and a cucumber. I can't say it was a culinary high, but it was at least economical, and the best part is there is some left for the same lunch again tomorrow.

and back again

I have come to realise that one skill I do not posess is attention to detail. I have had to re-do the same purchase order three times!!! Not loving excel today....

I have also come to realise that I am incredibly unfit and need to start doing exercise. I have been ignoring this for the past year or so (actually most of my life!), but in the last few weeks it has started to dawn on me that things are heading south, and I am only 24! This weekend my darling boyfriend described how my bottom feels like play doh.... I am sure he didn't mean it in a bad way, but my confidence in my own body is just not strong enough to deal with that!

counting down

One hour to go.... I have already briefed my boyfriend on his Sainsburys run, buy cranberry juice! He has also promised to make some nice sandwiches for the journey. All that's left to do is wait for this long day to end. I have done my big jobs of the day, placed my purchase orders with suppliers for hundreds of thousands of pounds, nerve wracking! Now I am biding my time until the weekend arrives in 50 minutes. I suspect I will not be making any more contributions to this blog over the weekend, hope you all have a good one!

still only 3 pm..... zzz

This day is just dragging on forever..... We have just had a big announcement in the office, one of our staff at another branch has been fired for gross misconduct. I think it's fair to say it has caused a bit of a solemn mood on my otherwise cheerful friday. On the upside my boss has come back from her NY trip and brought back a trashy magazine for me, the US trash mags beat all the other ones. Not that I read that sort of thing anyway.... I am very cultivated. Anyway, must get on with my mag.. I mean my spreadsheet!

warm those bottoms

"I'll be in early tomorrow" those famous final words... of course this morning was a different story. It's so cold and I was so tired that I had no desire to get out of bed at all, would rather have stayed in bed all day with my lovely boyfriend, who incidentally didn't have to go to work today.... Unfortunately duty called, as did nature! I am suffering my second bout of cystitis in a week... I can tell you it is not only painful and uncomfortable but also inconvenient and bloody annoying when you need to pop to the loo every two minutes! Up until this past week I can't remember the last time I had cystitis. Must have been when I was a little girl. But I remember, growing up in sweden, how mums and teachers would warn not to sit on cold seats (at bus stops etc) as you could get a "urin infection". Now I know this is really a pile of crap, cystitis is caused by bacteria, not by getting a cold bottom! Apparantly the best way to avoid it is to wee (or should I say urinate?) frequently and make sure to have a wee straight after having sex. Cranberry juice is also said to help. Bring it on!

how lucky am I?

finally 5.30 and I get to enjoy the great pleasure of getting the 452 to ladbroke grove where a tasty meal, a cosy bed and a lovely man await me. I am loving autumn of 2008.

sharing is caring

what with my impending road trip thought I would share this picture I took on our last one, driving over Forth Bridge, Scotland.

petrified

Boobs have grown to the size of melons, experiencing hormonal overload and serious cramps this morning and yet no sign of that red river.... It's a friend and a foe, when we get it we don't want it, but we don't get it on time we REALLY want to get it! Oh if only I kept track of my cycle better I wouldn't have to get in a flap like this everytime I "suspect" I might be late....

Pray for me.

roadtrip of sorts

It's settled then, tomorrow he will pick me up from work and we will drive up to Durham.... in the middle rush hour.... should be fun! we will stay there two nights and then make the hellish journey back on Sunday. I am quite looking forward to it though, a weekend away from London doesn't sound too bad for a change. Also, I quite like playing the DJ in the passenger seat.

emotional rollercoaster

My hormones are playing havoc at the moment. Yesterday I stormed out of the sittingroom in tears because my beloved boyfriend had made a trip to the supermarket to buy doritos and dips (our favourite past time it would appear) but managed to buy not one but two dips that were equally inedible and, well, just plain minging.

Conclusion: he is not very good at choosing dips and I am not emotionally stable.

smug happiness

Today I am appreciating how great life can be by remembering how it wasn't always so great. Last night it took the promise of some beers and doritos on a rainy autumn evening (without sounding too cliched..) for me to realise how I can't remember when I was last as happy as I am now. I am sure this blog would be a lot more interesting had I written it a couple of years ago when I was not in such a shiny happy place, but to be honest I would take a boring blog over a miserable existense anyday!

criticise me

when will I ever have time to update my blog?? well this has been a fairly uneventful week, apart from my horrendous appraisal last night. This "career-thing" is a real bitch sometimes... I sat through an hour of "you could improve this/ we could do this better/need to get better at/we expect to see" only for my boss to re-cap "that went really well! really impressed!" what? you must have been at a different meeting from me! at least now it's over and it won't come around for another year....

financial diarrhea

just checked my bank balance, I own 19 pounds.

19!!

6 days after pay day......

19 pounds!!!

is this normal???

am I a selfish bastard?

I have noticed something quite worrying about myself, I have started to develop a selfish and selfcentred streak in my personality.

For example: this weekend my german friend was staying with me. We went out together on thursday and friday night and spent saturday together. Saturday night I had plans to go to a friends birthday party. These plans were made before my german friend was coming to stay and I had told her that I had to go to this party and that she was more than welcome to come along. All day saturday she was hinting that she would rather stay at home and asked did I mind. I said of course not. As it turns out the party becomes a bit of an all nighter. I end up at a friends house in west London. We end up staying there and only get back to my boyfriends house at 3 in the afternoon on sunday (he was at the party with me and lives ten minutes away, whereas my house is a 40min taxi journey, needless to say at this stage I am feeling pretty dodgy) My friend was leaving for the airport at 2.30...... Obviously I know I was being a complete dick, not going to see my friend off or even say good bye. I know that it is shitty and I am bombarding her with grovelling apologetic texts, but I can't really justify what happened. To the point, I think this demonstrates how I can be a right selfish cow.

But what I think is the main reason for my day to day less dramatic type of selfishness is wanting to be with my boyfriend. I last saw him thursday morning after I stayed at his house, before the party on saturday. As pathetic as it sounds I was really missing him at that stage. I tend to stay at his 5-6 nights a week (he doesn't stay at mine as I have the tiniest room and tiniest bed in the world, see previous post....). And when it comes to that night when I feel I should go home/I need to get more clothes/whatever other reason, it doesn't feel great. Am I just madly in love or am I a pathetic girl that depends on others and is making her boyfriend her entire world? In my defense, we spent the first year of our relationship living on opposite sides of the country (him in Newcastle and me in london), taking in turns to visit each other (this was back when I had a normal sized room and bed, oh how I miss those glorious days!) We would only see each other every 2-3 weeks, sometimes 4 or 5 weeks would pass because of cicumstances. He moved to london 3 weeks ago to be closer to me. I think I am still in the same mindset asbefore, constantly feeling that I have to make the most of every moment with him, not getting used to the fact that he is here for good now. I feel like I should stop myself from seeing him so much and speaking to him so much if I don't see him and thinking of him, distance makes the heart grow fonder and all that..... But at the same time I am so in love for the first time, I want to be with him and he wants to be with me. I guess I am just so useless at this relationship crap because I never experienced anything quite like this before.

phew, glad I got that off my chest! If anyone is still reading this, thanks for listening to (reading) my self inflicted luxury problems.

umemål

it's really quite amazing how I can enetertain myself for ages just by doing a "norrlandsk" accent. Obviously what with being from Umea in the north of Sweden I have a northern twang of an accent anyway, but it's just hours of laughs exaggerating it to a sort of "Sverker-style"....

jomenhuvvadåvisst! ja mått int veta!

I hope to be he proud owner of this bag by the end of the day... yay!

Happy Friday!

The weekend has arrived at last, hurrah! I really need to try and be productive today at work, as I have managed a minimal amount of productivity since my boss went away. Luckily she is on a buying trip to Paris on Monday, so I will have one more day to get done what I should have done since Tuesday! What can I say, I like to live on the edge with these things. Last night was good fun, eat-till-you-feel-sick-at-wagamama style, with Kathi and Anna. And on the bus journey home, which took around 45 min, we had a very interesting indepth conversation about smear tests and cervical cancer, which led in to breast cancer and std:s. I think we all managed to scare each other enough that we will all be booking GP appointments for tests! Better safe than sorry.

scary thought

will I now become Bridget Jones like character, constantly checking/updating my blogg instead of doing any real work?? I suppose the difference from facebooking/youtubing/general netsurfing instead of doing real work isn't massive.... so I shall not feel guilty. Also, I am sure I will not get away with this kind of behaviour once my boss/deskmate returns from holiday on tuesday... Guess I should enjoy it while I can!

Anyway, stop bothering me, I have work to get on with!! These PO:s don't write themselves!

hostess with the mostess

OK, so here goes, I am writing a blog... I've got to say I have mixed feelings about this venture, but it has been playing on my mind for sometime now, so I think I should just go for it. I am not sure what I wll write about, I guess these will become the chronicles of my mediocre life! I will endeavour to write in english, though I predict I will veer in to my mother tongue of swedish at times.



Today feels like Friday. I have just greeted my german friend Kathi at Sloane Square tube station in Chelsea, London. She has come from Berlin to stay with me for the weekend, even though the only hospitality I can offer her is merely the floor of my box sized room in the south London flatshare I call home. She is being very understanding of my humble abode, as I have yet to properly move all my stuff over from my last flat, I task I have managed to avoid for nearly a month now! It's always nice having friends to stay, but I must admit I am a bit apprehensive of playing the host for the entire weekend. So tonight it begins with dinner at Wagamamas in central london, and a couple of drinks to follow. I suspect a fair amount of drinking will ensue over the course of the weekend. Kathi was one of my great single london friends, we enjoyed many a great drunken nights stumbling along tottenham court road on our way home from frog at the mean fiddler, until she moved back to Germany. Let's hope for a repeat drunken adventure this weekend!